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IT’S CALLED ETIQUETTE, DUMBASS

August 11, 2011


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IT’S CALLED ETIQUETTE, DUMBASS.
Men.
I’m not afraid of you.
Many of you try to intimidate me with your swagger and ego, but it doesn’t work.
I’m not like some girls.
You tell me how to write, often unprompted. You give me unsolicited pointers (gosh, thanks), telling me what I should do. 
I’ve recently had some ridiculous comments on Twitter and my blog regarding my Mancode pieces or my humor in general that many have found insulting.
But I’m okay with it. Here’s why.
I am a humorist. Some folks often think I’m funny. My book, a collection of mostly funny essays with a few poignant ones thrown in for good measure, A Walk In The Snark, is selling quite well on Amazon, and reached #3 on the Humor/Parenting & Families list in April, and is consistently Top #20 in Motherhood. It also reached #1 on Smashwords in several categories. I’m often retweeted by the famous (Comedy Central, baby), and non-famous alike.
Hey, I’m grateful for any attention. I’ve even been contacted and met with a very sweet NYC agent, and one famous sex author loved one of my articles on the topic so much she’s sending me an autographed copy of her latest book!
So, while I’ll listen to the um, ideas guys give me–I have to tell ya, I’m pretty comfortable in my voice, my snark, my funny.
I get that I’m putting myself out there, writing about the Mancode and Chickspeak, men and women, love and relationships, and sex; and I love the amazing discussions these topics engender. And while I welcome the input, I’m also not in the least bit surprised when I receive comments from some threatened man.
Like the guy who told me I needed to provide backstory for my humor in order for people to understand it. On Twitter. About chocolate.
(Pssst. 140 characters, honey.)
Dude, women get the chocolate thing, regardless of context.
Could that be any more Mancode?
Dumbass.
Another said my Mancode pieces stereotype men and I should be ashamed of myself.
Okay, I was ashamed when I was eight and broke my friend’s dolly, by accident.
Yo, humorist here! I purposefully don’t take myself too seriously; why should you?
(And while we’re talking stereotypes. Women and chocolate…Um, hello?)
Hmmm. Last time I checked I was writing about sex, my personal experiences, or the goofy real-life stuff my husband (who has a sense of humor, thank god) does. Mostly I laugh at guys who make these statements because it just gives me more to write about. (Does this remind anyone of the “Sally Weaver” Seinfeld episode starring Kathy Griffin?)

What am I tapping into that bothers them so much?
Let me get that door for you, fellas.
One guy unfollowed me (pretty extreme really, in the Twitterverse) when I shockingly suggested to my followers that IF they liked my book to please LIKE my Amazon page, hit YES on my positive reviews, NO on the negative IF they agreed with the reviewers point of view. He felt asking my fans (who like my book, remember) to do this smacked of a lack of integrity and manipulation, as well as reflected poorly on all indie authors.
Wow, I must have a lot of power to be able to manipulate people with just one tweet.
Watch me flex. And don’t forget to hear me roar, too.
I’m a flirt. I love to hang out with men, talk with men, and discuss hot topics like sex, love, and relationships. I love to do the same with women. Usually I find Twitter is a great place for adult and lively discourse. I certainly don’t expect everyone to agree with me.
I did however, write a book so people would buy it. Amazon, those crazy guys, put a LIKE button on all author pages (not just indies) as a way to help ALL authors deliver a positive metamessage: the more LIKES you have, the more comfortable people feel buying your book. It makes our “berry” safer to eat.
Wanna eat my berry?
Listen, I realize that as a woman writing about men, that alone puts me in a vulnerable position. One female author friend said, “You know, some of these guys just aren’t very nice.” I told her nice has nothing to do with it when you put your book up for sale.
But you know what? It’s all good. It gives me lots of great fodder for the book I’m writing now, The Mancode: Exposed. So keep it comin, fellas.
Next time I don’t ask for your advice, I’ll be sure not to take it seriously.

Hey, it’s all a journey.
To all my lovely male followers, you guys rock and this in no way reflects how amazing I think you are, so don’t get your boxers in a bunch. It’s really not a good look on anyone. 




I’d love to hear your comments below. Retweets and mentions loved. 

You should follow me here, on TwitterFacebookGoodreads, or wherever snark is sold. Please follow my new Mancode: Exposed page on Facebook. Let’s play. 

Check out @YourNeedToRead this week for my author http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=giltfree-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B00584MJF2&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifrinterview where I reveal a big secret from my past. I’m not saying it has anything to do with a beauty pageant. 

Oh, snap. 

Also, if you’re an author who wants to participate in a cool promo, sign up now for the Indie Book Collective’s latest: the Indie Book Blowout, a HUGE, terrific 99cent event over Labor Day weekend 9/2-9/5. Check the site for deets, baby. Readers, mark your calendars. TONS of greats books, all 99cents! 

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31 Comments
  1. I'm thinkin' if some guy can't get that a woman talking to other women about chocolate is context enough for the speaker and the audience, then it's no wonder his girlfriends keep leaving him.

  2. Heh. She said chocolate again.
    Paul, isn't it amazing how #dumbass some men are? Me thinks his toilet doesn't have a lid to put down.

  3. There is nothing wrong with snark, humor, smarm, and sarcasm as humor.  It's not a bad thing, but like a lone voice crying in the wilderness, here, it does appear as if you are trying to sell your books to females, if when you get do get advice from males you deflect, ignore, defend, and say you don't care.   One must do what one must do to survive, and broadening one's market to be inclusive would seem to be good business in a recession.  I assume you likewise don't care about my opinions either,  but the comment section was free, and I don't have to download anything from Amazon for this.  Sam Clemons suggested I read your blog.

    Lonny Dunn Editor/Author Have a great #FollowFriday,  I Tweet at @ProNetworkBuild

  4. You know what? I REALLY hope the #dumbasses you're talking about never try to come and live here on planet Earth – that would finally screw it up altogether!

  5. There are dumbasses all across races and genders. Yesterday my wife got scolded by the cashier in the supermarket because she was buying too many snacks for the kids (and she wasn't).

  6. LOL, this is such a FAB article with so many great truths and had me howling. My husband tells me regularly not to get my tits in a knot when I take myself too seriously, and he's right.

    So, men… give it a break, and just laugh already. Life's too short to take things TOO seriously.

    eden

  7. OMG, will you marry me?  You have exactly the kind of humor that makes women adorable, sexy and fun to be around. Your husband is a lucky guy. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.  You go, girl (that's Mancode for Damn! You look hot in those jeans).  BTW, you should read my articles on remodeling the kitchen and camping, available on my website http://storiesbyedwardowen.com/articles.aspx.  Scroll down… yes, I need to do some site cleaning, but they are there. Have a great day.

  8. JLGentry permalink

    We love you, babe!  Smart, good looking, wonderful sense of humor.  Any man who can't take the tease should reconsider his genetic code.  As far as boxers, I went commando style today at my wife's request, so not to worry!

  9. If they can't handle your snark they couldn't handle eating your berry. Keep rockin', redhead. Like you need anyone to tell you that. 😉

  10. Sometimes I sit back and look at men and wish I wasn't one of them.  Kind of the same way I look at Americans sometimes and think, “Man, why is THAT what the rest of the world thinks we are?”

    Being a nontraditional male (no, not gay… a stay-at-home dad married to a doctor wife), I oftentimes identify more with the female side of your perspectives, Rachel (esp. regarding housewifery types of things, like replacing the damn toilet paper roll [and no, leaving a new roll sitting on the floor next to the toilet is not 'replacing' it, honey]).

    Not that you need to be reminded, darling, but you keep doing what you're doing.  Haters gonna hate no matter what you do.  If any writer (fiction, non-fiction, poetry) was capable of appealing to EVERY person ever, they'd be a god.  Hell, even God has people who don't like His writing.

    Keep on truckin', Queen o' the Snark. 😉

  11. I fail to see how you promoting your book on your twitter and facebook accounts is considered a lack of integrity and manipulation. I wouldn't have *found* your book without your twitter account.

    Likewise I would have missed out on the wonderful stories of Gene Doucette and Spencer Seidel without their twitter accounts as well.  BTW, plug here, but you have to check them out. I loved both of their styles and the stories are engaging.

    To the complainers/naggers/naysayers: This is the age of social media in all its glory Jackass. Embrace it

  12. Orlando Ramos permalink

    I loved you from the first time we met on twitter, and if it's at all possible you get better each day that passes. I they can't handle your humor don't worry, I'll eat your berry.

    I love that you're a flirt like me, and you like to talk about sex and relationships. We men have a lot to learn, and what better way to do so than laughing my ass off?

    I have no tip for you. Only the request that you don't stop writing and making us laugh. You are loved, and so is your work.

  13. Hey! it really all just a part of the a journey.  I like to read all of your writing.  I like that you remind us not to take ourselves so seriously, makes for healthy living.  I also like different perspectives ~ connections ~ I like that we have this opportunity to read a Great writer's words.
    XO

  14. Thanks JO for your sweet reply. I'm honored. I enjoy hearing different perspectives as well as part of lively discourse. That's what makes it fun. As I said, I love getting a rise out of women AND men. It's what makes life interesting! 

  15. Thank you, sweet Orlando. You are who I keep in my mind when I write — sexy, fun guys who I know can laugh at themselves, at relationships, at women, at all of it. Stripping down the ego is what makes you a better communicator than most fellas 🙂 xo

  16. Thx babe. I'm happy to report I've met & had dinner w/ Gene Doucette at #IBE11 a few weeks ago in NYC. Hell of a guy & yes, talented! Mostly I ignore the douches, but it makes for good copy. 🙂 

  17. Haters gonna hate, it's so true. I get that I don't appeal to everyone. Surprisingly, I have many male buyers of my book, to disagree w/ the fellow's comment below AND 1/2 my followers are male. Or maybe not surprising, given that in most traditional marriages, there's ya know, a guy. 🙂 

    Thx for your comment, Jeremy. And for calling me darling. 

  18. Max, you make me laugh and smile every time. Damn. 

  19. ha, thx for your comment babe. LOTS of men can't take the tease. It makes for great copy. I have PAGES of notes, dear. 🙂 Luckily, you're not one of them & you make this all so fun. 

  20. We're all pimping something. 

    The soft sell usually wins out in the long run. Too many folks nowadays take too much pleasure in finding what they perceive are the falsehood in things. For these kinds of buzzkills I find nothing pops an ego like a well-placed laugh. And then move on. 

  21. HA! Tell em girl! People take things (Twitter) too seriously some time.  I like your blog & your tweets but you already know that 🙂

  22. Ddurbin63 permalink

    Love it!

  23. Hi Rach,

    Not pleased, but unsurprised, to learn that you've been taking flak from my half of the chromosome divide.  I've had a chat with the rest of the guys (all 3 billion of them, although only 2 million of them have an internet connection and only 5% of those use it for something apart from pronz or poker) and we're sorry and promise never to do it again, until we do it again.

    It does seem that some male reactions to your articles are fairly easily analysed by a flow chart, though.  It goes a bit like this:

    1) Put down Sports Illustrated, GQ or Loaded. Have a random click around on the internet.

    2) Oh hey, a picture of an underwear model.  I've found an article about boobs or something! Score.

    3) Wait, this isn't what I expected at all.

    4) Hmm. Some of the behaviour described herein sounds an awful lot like something I'd do. Lacking a sense of humour, I feel threatened by this.

    5) Was this written by a guy?

    Yes, it was.  Clearly this *is* comedy then. Haha, what a laugh, I totally *do* leave the toilet seat up all the time.  How I love observational humour on the internet.  I'll just comment 'LOL' underneath with my usual eloquence and sagacity and then go on my merry way.

    No – some bird knocked this tripe out.  Women using computers?  What will they think of next.  Evidently this is a totally serious article as it's a well known and documented fact that anything appearing on the internet authored by a woman is written from a radical feminist perspective for the sole purpose of irritating men in general and ME in particular. 

    6) Anyway, should I use this as an opportunity for a introspective examination of my behaviour? Oh wait, I don't know what 'introspective' means.  ENGAGE INFURIATED MODE!

    7) Proceed to comments section.

    8) Vent spleen anonymously in an angry, ad-hominen response only tangentially relevant to the actual subject matter of the article.  Accuse author of being a misanthropic lesbian and/or communist, only using fewer syllables.  IN CAPITALS!  WITH MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!  BECAUSE THIS ADDS CREDIBILITY AND GRAVITAS TO MY COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!

    9) Job well done. Relax. Do not stop to wonder why it is that I live alone.

    —-

    (This lengthy comment was brought to you by the letters S, Q and L and being bored at work).

    Gareth

  24. Hey Rach, don't know how you do it. At least you laugh it off where most people just get pissed. I think everyone takes themselves too seriously. Be glad you have a husband with a sense of humor…mine is still pissed from the “You Man Looked” comment the last time he lost his keys. *sigh*

  25. Aric Mitchell permalink

    As a married man, I've found that if you actually listen to a woman, let her know when she's right and don't be a dick about it when she's not, life is much more pleasant. Also helps to do at least one thoughtful thing for her each day. I'm too old and life's too short for all that bullshit macho ego. 

    And don't forget the oral. 

  26. Marjorie McAtee permalink

    I've had my shared of flack from the testicled individuals, but I can still safely say that many, many men LOVE my work, even the bits of it where I get all feminist ballbuster on them. You're not a girl — you're a WOMAN, baby, and I'll eat your berries anytime! 😉

  27. Marjorie McAtee permalink

    @twitter-260002643:disqus “Hell, even God has people who don't like His writing.”

    Well put. I'm saving that quote for future Facebooking purposes. 😉

  28. Elena permalink

    How boring would life be if we took everything so seriously. Hello… has anyone seen Lisa Lampanelli? She offends everyone, but you take it for what it his. Her craft.
    You're not a bitter housewife and mom out to rip men's balls off. You're here to put a smile on our face and make us laugh at ourselves.
    Looking forward to Mancode Exposed and all of the drama it will stir up!
    Love ya Rachel!

  29. Still my favorite comment to one of my blog posts, I think, pretty much, ever. 

  30. Thx for your comment Lonny. 

    Fully half my readers are men. Most with a sense of humor who understand that the “rage” you speak of in this piece was placed firmly in the tongue inside my cheek. 

    I do appreciate your marketing advice. My book has now hit the #1 Kindle Motherhood list three times — I've also moved into the Top 5 of Parenting & Families and several other Top Humor lists as well. Many categories seem to consider my book and my humor kinda ya know, oh I don't know, funny. Your comments only solidify that I'm hitting the exact markets I need to be in. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I agree with you. Don't waste your three bucks on my book. You're clearly not my demographic. 

  31. Erlamsaz permalink

    Great post. its a need of today's generation, but i think it need more information about this topic, really not a bad but i wish it looks more complete..
    Bundle of Thanks…
    Bridesmaid Gifts

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