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KEYS, PLEASE (A #Mancode Post)

April 11, 2011


Why do men have so many freakin’ keys?

I have one, count em, ONE set.

My husband has fifty gazillion. It’s just soooo Mancode.

He’s very proud of all his keys, with their different tags and sizes, kept in their different color-coded boxes. “There’s a system, you know,” he tells me authoritatively, as if I’m paying attention (insert eye roll here).

Usually it doesn’t bother me. I let him revel in his key superiority, writing it off to his y-chromosome, male-testosterone need to be able to, at all times, open shit up. Except…

When I need to find a key, of course.

Then it just pisses me off.

I don’t question his need to keep the keys to the luggage we purchased nineteen years ago for our honeymoon –disregarding that the luggage is long gone, of course. But if my baby wants those tiny little useless bendy keys for no apparent good reason, who am I to question his sanity? Sure, we could need them one day, honey…(for a time capsule project maybe).

No, he’s not a hoarder. He throws lots of junk out. Just not, ya know, keys.

Is this some kind of Mancode trait that chicks just can’t relate to? Surely, it must be. Kinda of along the lines of my obsession with black shoes, black tops and pants. Oh, and finding the perfect nude lip gloss. Right?

He’ll argue that all his keys have a purpose – and I’ll give him that it IS better to organize them than have them in a jumble. But really, an entire drawer full? I’m ready to sign him up for Hoarders: Key Edition.

He doesn’t find this funny.

He’ll argue that there’s no reason for me to have so many black shoes but hey, I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out my system.

I say this with determination.

I tell him that all my black shoes, particularly my pretty Prada heels, organized on my shoe shelf according to height, all serve a very specific purpose.

Yea, um…when I figure out what that is, I’ll let you know.

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