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Separation of Mouse and State

March 22, 2011

My IndieInk challenge from Kat this week: Who is someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted apart. What happened?

I have no problem with the crass and commercial. I am, after all, an independently-published author who self-aggrandizingly hawks her eBook each day on Twitter with nary a thought to what the hell you think, according to several comments I’ve received. (Um, isn’t that what the self in self-promotion is for?) Silly me. 

Anway…I figure it comes with sharing the fact that I think I’m fly like a G6 on a good day (thanks Urban Dictionary, a mid-40s chick’s best friend), I’m a longtime Madonna fan and, despite her many plastic surgeries and her tendency to inappropriately touch celebs’ boobies, I think Joan Rivers is still scathingly funny—two crass, commercial icons.

So it may come as a surprise that I hate The Crassest Place on Earth, Disneyland. Yep. Crucify me now. Here I live in the land of blondes and tans, beaches and beach bums, and yes Anaheim, The House of Mouse. I hate everything about the little rodent. Sorry, people. If you’re offended and feel I’m being unAmerican, stop reading now.

Oh, it’s all fun and games when you’re a kid, sure. Then, you become a parent. When you live in the OC (for those of you who don’t know where the OC is, it’s also the home of The Happiest Fucking Place on Earth. Now. You. Know.), you quickly find out it’s de rigueur to have a “pass” to Disneyland. That way you can go whenever you want! Woot!

So much for marrying Prince Charming, Snow White. Get your pass—it’s a dream come true!

Crowds, lines, parking, constant unrelenting ‘happy noise,’ walking, schlepping, crying kids, hot sun, sunburns, diapers, rashes, sore feet, blisters, headaches, anxiety, below average food, smells that I can’t even begin to explain, and don’t even get me started on the outrageous prices…um, I’m sorry– when does the fun start? Where is the happy exactly? (In California Adventure where they sell wine and margaritas.)

Okay, I’ll give you that it’s kinda cute to see my kid’s smiling faces, and that makes it all worth it blah blah….nope. Can’t make me swallow that load of stale popcorn. I can hold my little guy upside down and tickle him and he’ll smile brighter and laugh harder. In fact, whenever he sees the large-eared rodent he runs and hides behind me. (Yea, that’s so worth the price of admission.)

So why do we go? We don’t. Not anymore. I’ve had to wean my husband, born and raised in Pasadena (a mere hop, skip, and mouse finding-cheese-scurry from Anaheim) from his few- times-monthly trips to the Tragic Kingdom. Despite protestations of needing his Pirates of the Caribbean fix, we’ve drifted away from this long-term relationship. But for a long time, I too bought into the OC belief that I needed to provide this required entertainment for my kids. After all, we lived RIGHT HERE!

Yea well, there’s only so much happy a girl can stand. I live an eighth of a mile from the beach – that’s enough happy right there. Nothing crass and commercial and if I see a mouse, I won’t even mind. I might even name him.

Something like Mortimer sounds nice.

If you enjoy Rachel’s rants and ramblings, watch her keep moving forward here, on Twitter, Facebook, or purchase her snarkalicious eBook A Walk In The Snark on Amazon only $2.99.

Comments welcome, retweets and mentions loved.

Don’t forget to check out the Indie Book Collective for free advice on using social media to sell your books. Our Bestseller for a Day program rocks–support me on Wednesday, April 6th as we launch my book up the Amazon charts — with YOUR help.

More deets to follow!

  1. Streetlights94 permalink

    This is where our paths separate, my dear friend. I love Disneyland. Love it. Everything about it. Love the crowds. Love the lines. Love the long days. We have passes (and we live forever away). I can recite the history of Disneyland and Mickey frontwards and backwards.

    L.O.V.E. (sigh….)

  2. I first went to Disneyland in 91 and went back with my family last month. I did love it and would happily drag my butt across North America to go again. I thought the grounds were beautifully kept, the staff were amazing, and when I saw my kid run up to Tinkerbell and jump up and down asking for pixie dust my heart melted. That said I can see how it would become irritating if I lived next door to it. The thing I thought was cute was how southern Californians complained how it was cold in February. I can old laugh, daylillies were blooming, I have to wait until July to see that here!

  3. I live in OC, too (right next door to Anaheim), and I loved D-Land when I was younger, but I haven't been for ages. I just don't like being around massive crowds and standing around in lines for hours anymore.

  4. I haven't been to either Disneyland or Disneyworld in over a decade. And I'm OK with that. Disney had its charms when I was a child, but I worked for a summer at Busch Gardens, so theme parks in general don't really hold any magic for me anymore. And as you say, you and your kids can have more fun just spending time together as a family, for free. Brava.

  5. Oh my gosh – I think I love you! I thought I was alone in this hatred of all things Disney. I swallowed the bitter pill and took my boys last year. I spent every day wanting to claw my eyes out with Prince Charming's sword. heck – I would have used an ice cream spoon if I knew it would have dulled the pain. Thank you for a beautiful spin on my challenge!

  6. I love all the comments, peeps. Thx for sharing your Mouse stories.

    Kat, it was a great challenge. I seem to go to such dark places with all of these challenges. It was fun to keep it light. So thank YOU.

  7. VEGAS is the happiest place on earth. Booze, whores, strippers, gambling…. Totally wins.

    Disneyland can suck it.

    I am SO there with you!

  8. You know I have to admit I agree to some degree. I never went as a kid and hubs and I took the kidlets to Disney World last year…and well yeah Magic Kingdom can go fly a kite. If I have to go back, drop me off at Epcot where you can stroll around drinking a bear and setting all the kookoo clocks to go off at the same time and saying Hola to the greeters at China town. (yes I think adults can have a lot of fun in Epcot) I found out right then that I am NOT a fun park sorta mom. Too many people, too many screaming kids, too hot, and too expensive. Give me a deserted beach where kidlets can run wild, a cold beverage a book. So it's easy to say I won't be returning to the “Magic” Kingdom in this lifetime.

  9. Hi Rachel!

    Love your blog! Disneyland is too much happy for me, as well 🙂

    Hi there!

    I couldn't find your email listed anywhere on this site, so I thought I'd leave you a comment. I work with EdenFantasys, and we'd love to work with you on a banner ad or product review. Please email me maria (a) edenfantasys dot com if you're interested or tweet me at @mariad_eden if you're interested!

    Thanks, and sorry for having to do this on your comments!


  10. Thanks, hon. I thought I was the only Disney grinch out there. I have no desire to ever visit. My 6 kids will just have to live with that trauma.

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