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JUNE. SHOVE IT, PLEASE. (A Guest Post by Amber Scott)

February 10, 2011
The husband gave me the LOOK again last night. Do you know the one? That just-this-side-of -edible scowl over my latest attempt at a wholesome meal for my hardworkin’ man?


Honestly, though, I’ll take that scowl any day over the I-think-you-just-poisoned-me frown.

If I peer close enough, I can see my reflection in his gaze and can discern a tidy apron around my waist, a scotch in one hand and his slippers in the other. And I’m smiling. *ting*

That’s when I go throw up.

I blame his “Ma” and June Cleaver.

June showed her man how wonderful he was in all the little ways, with a gracious grin. Ma paid attention. Ma cooked hearty meals, packed his lunch every day, and on random days after school had new toys set up in the living room (surprise!) just to show how much she loved him.

Toys? I can do toys!! #yeahbaby

But, the rest of it? #forgetitimdone

I. Am. Not. June. Cleaver.

Nor am I Carol Brady. (except the hair on Wednesdays.)

In fact, I give Peg Bundy a run for her money. #seriouslyfolks

Why does this disappoint him so? When we met so, so long ago, he lurved my independent nature. He liked my roar! Now, he literally wonders out loud if, since I’m getting up early to write, why can’t I make him lunch, too?


If I’m crawling on all fours to my laptop at o’dark thirty, toothpick-propping my eyelids open over a steaming cup of coffee strong enough to sucker punch me awake, I am not going to give up ten long glorious kid-free minutes to wipe peanut butter onto bread.

Does that make me an ingrate?

NO, really! Does it? Because the very idea makes me feel like my turtleneck shrank in the dryer. Oh, wait. I hate turtlenecks.

June, honey, I’m sure you are perfectly nice in person, but sometimes, I hate you.

Just sayin.

With a clumsy Cupid character like Millie Match, it’s no wonder Amber Scott admits to her flaws. Yes, she burns dinner. But she cleans a mean dish then escapes into the fates, loves and complications of her characters.

Come support Amber Scott Feb. 14th in her Bestseller For A Day bid by purchasing Play Fling on Kindle for a one time discounted price of $.99. Sign up for the newsletter for entry to win 1 of 13 Amazon gift cards, too, as Amber’s way of thanking readers for their–your–support!

On Feb. 28th, look for Carolyn McCray’s can’t-put-down-thriller 30 Pieces Of Silver, our next selection in the Bestseller For A Day Club. Carolyn’s book is currently racing up the Amazon charts. Let’s help her make it into the Top 100 on the 28th!

Support indie authors, my friends. We are changing the face of the publishing industry.

You can purchase my new eBook, A Walk In The Snark, on Amazon for just $2.99. Go forth and read my little peaches.

I expect a full report in the morning.

  1. Maybe it's my own independent nature, people pleasing personality, and desire to live in a clean environment, but I don't expect my wife to be June Cleaver or Carol Brady. I knew when I married her, she was a great cook (she's a chef) but did laundry once a week, made huge messes in the kitchen, and liked to relax on the couch a lot.

    Some dudes want their wives or girlfriends to change after they get married because the women expect them to change. No, the women just want you to not screw anyone else, be home when you're supposed to, and kill bugs.

    Then again, I've been called a robot who doesn't think like every otehr dude. Good post

  2. Great post. I have an EX-husband who thought we should be Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. My current husband has a much more realistic attitude about me. And Lance, no I didn't want to change either of them. I got rid of the one I didn't like and found one I did. I do expect he won't screw anyone else, but he can come and go as he pleases and I kill the bugs as he's allergic to insect stings.

  3. @Lance, will you marry me? Or call and edu-macate my dear husband? You have nailed down all my basic needs. Don't screw others, come home, kill the scorpions.

    @Carla, how did you get him to see you for you? Or did he from the start? Can I say I'm proud of you for killing bugs without sounding patronizing? Can you kill mine, too?

  4. Amber, no thank you. I live a my wife and three daughter s- 15, 7, and 6. My 9 year old niece stays at out house a lot. That's 5 chicks in my life all the time. Your husband needs to step back and ask himself, where would i be without her? that thought makes act right even when i don;t feel like it.

  5. Great post! I shared it with my husband. He said to me, “You're a work from home wife, not a housewife.” haha I'm a horrible housekeeper, but I do cook. Between the two of us the rest gets…taken care of? We also breed Siberians cats, so they tend to mess things up as soon as you clean it. Active little guys! Thankfully, no kids, or holy hell…Honestly though, I don't know any June Cleavers.

  6. Is he SERIOUS? Honey, I'd go on complete strike. I'd do even less than I was doing, if someone dared scowl at me for trying to make a nice dinner. My daughter even knows that if you don't like it, we always have cereal and milk. Is something going on in his life to make him more irritable? I know a lot of people can laugh off their husbands, but I was born without a sense of humor. He's tripping.

  7. @Lance, Well, fine. I shall let him know.

    @Julie, I only know two or three Junes, but methinks they aren't nearly so perfect as they appear. Yes, kittehs do make um messehs.

    @Shannon, LOL! I know, right? Thankfully, this caveman side of him only rears it's prominent forehead when he's under stress. I roll with it until he goes to far and then, yes, a solid strike always works. Until the next time.

  8. Margie Church permalink

    I get that “did you make coffee” look and sometimes my DH has the courage to say it out loud…after I've already been up an hour, doing exactly what you described. Then they have the nerve to ask stupid questions, too. Peeps, elbow grease aint just for elbows. Take a freaking bath in it and swallow a lot…it's good for your B R A I N. If I acted the way they do some days, I'd be enjoying curbside service and I don't mean valet parking.

  9. We always like to think of June Cleaver in the movie Airplane, speaking jive, that's the way it should be!

  10. Love the post. It's always nice to remind ourselves that we're supposed to have taken a few steps forward since the (supposed) fall of the Cult of Domesticity. This post makes me want to watch 'Mona Lisa Smile' or 'Iron Jawed Angels' again. XD

    Loved the comments as well!

  11. @Margie, ROFL! I know just what curbside service you mean.

    @2girlsonabench, I love it. Jive talkin is such a better June to be up against.

    @kpiet, Oh, yeah! Mona Lisa Smile. I love it!!

  12. Lovin all the commentary peeps!

    As I've written ad nauseum on my blog and in my book, I married a man who can cook. It was all part of my master plan (See “ChickLists”).

    He even does laundry (kinda) & grocery shops, all by his widdle bitty self (ok, he calls me 50 times while he's there but he DOES it). He knows not to come home w/o my coffee. The boy keeps his chick happy.

    He understands my workload as a writer and as a mom. That said, not a day goes by that I'm not cleaning up his paper towel scrunchies.

    It's a trade-off, babes. Amber has it all figured out. Have you READ her books? This woman does not lack for imagination. #hothothot

  13. OMG Rachel, I love this! #sofunny especially the part about waking up in the morning to write. #toothpicksandall Don't I know that feeling. Great post!

  14. love this post! too funny. I'm not June or Carol or Samantha (although I'd kill for that nose twitch thing) and I do good to get the laundry done and throw things in the laundry room and shut the door when new people come over.

    I'm following you now…love the blog

  15. @Rachel, You have trained him well! Mine still hears wolf at the grocery store, too. Hehe.

    @Sharla, Man I am with you on that nose twitch. The things I could get done!

    @Kelli, The little pointy tips help wake you, too. 🙂

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