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January 21, 2011

Eighteen years of separate sinks.

It’s been, in a word, clean-freak heaven.

For some reason, however, our new home—while equipped with a lovely long counter, has only one sink in the master bath.

So I started noticing lately that little white spots have shown up on my previously pristine countertop. A new phenomenon that I hadn’t experienced previously in Girlworld.

What are these little white spots? After a bit of investigating (watching husband brush his teeth), I had my answer.

Toothpaste droppings.

I’m not quite sure what may have caused these icky toothpaste clumps to start popping up all over the counter as of late…is it King of the Castle laziness? Lack of attention to detail? Hurry to get out (to his office down the hall) in the morning?

I really thought we had dodged the toothpaste bullet. He rolls from the bottom. I couldn’t be prouder. I thought, with pride, ‘WE are not like THOSE other common toothpaste couples!” with a sniff of superiority.

Sigh. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You don’t realize that you’ve become a victim of The Toothpaste Clumping until it first shows up in tiny little smears & droppings. You think NO, that can’t be right. Surely, he knows better than that. He’s been through Husband Training School. And there are towels right here next to the sink, waiting so considerately to be used just for that purpose, right?

But then. It keeps happening.

You become alert, no longer so casual about the seemingly coincidental signs. Is that a splat? Couldn’t be. Oh, but it is. A pattern emerges. Your toothbrush handle has goop on it. Your counter has telltale drops. Your headbands are (gasp) dotted.

Does he want to get caught? Is he asking for you to find out about his secret little habit? He’s certainly not trying to hide it anymore now is he? The evidence is hiding in plain sight!

Okay, okay. So I’ve gotten a little carried away. But honestly, it goes back to basic boy hygiene. Surely his parents taught him, when he was young, to clean up the white gunk when he finished, right? Always have a towel nearby, Johnny. (Yes, people, we’re still talking about teeth, here.) Brush your teeth, clean up the sink after, including the messy sticky toothpaste gunk.

Basic hygiene math.

When did one toothbrush plus one glass of water equal one big mess? I mean, I have a five-year old puppy boy. I know of messes.

Honestly, what are contractors thinking, putting one sink in a master bath? Of course marital bliss comes down to toothpaste.

Hold up–I think I may have figured out the reason for the fifty percent divorce rate!

Well, if it’s heaven I wanted, I needed to communicate that to my guy. So I did what any wife would do in this situation: I moved him into the guest bath. He and puppy boy can make all the toothpaste messes they want and I don’t have to look at them.

One may be the loneliest number, but it’s also the cleanest.

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  1. Okay, I nailed this one! I no longer leave white toothpaste spots on the countertop. I am pretty neat about it and can sit back and fold my arms and shake my head at couples like you. Of course, there are other things I'm working on. I mean, at least your guy didn't leave tiny beard hairs all over the sink because he forgot to rins- um, hold on…I have to race home for a minute..

  2. I'm your husband in this scenario which means I'm feeling pretty sorry for my husband right now! lol 🙂

  3. Every damn weekend morning (because my husband leaves so early on week days for work) I have the same conversation wit him:”Next time we buy a house, remember to check for the two sinks in the bathroom” It's not as much abouth toothpaste but about him hanging around watching himself in the mirror while I try to get stuff done.

  4. I don't have the husband problem. Oh no. I have the CHILDREN problem.

    We can't even close the snap lid on our toothpaste tube much less keep the white dots off of the mirror, the counter, the sink, the floor…you name it, it's spotted.

  5. Every day there are six-inch hairs in our sink, which my wife blames on me. Problem is I have a buzz cut. Somehow this makes no difference. Sigh….

  6. It is true. The fluoride and calcium in toothpaste do harden into a substance that is hard to scrape overtime. Sinks clog this way.

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