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An Accidental Hunter AND Gatherer

October 21, 2010

Today’s guest blog is by my wonderful Twittter friend (and sometime editor) Cristina @StreetLights94 — a terrific writer, teacher, mother, and all-around quality human. She’s also a wife.

Nuff said.

To be fair, I don’t know where I fit in with the evolutionary debate. However, if there were to be one “missing link” in evolutionary theory, it would be my husband’s hunter-gatherer instinct.

My husband, bless him, has multiple junk drawers. I thought he had one. But no.

No, he has more than one. This fact was brought home to me in a single irritating moment one day when my cell phone died. I had to use our replacement and was looking for the charger. I couldn’t find it in his one junk drawer in the kitchen. I turned to another drawer. Nope. Not there. I finally did find it.

Where?

In one of his bathroom drawers. You know, the same drawer he keeps all his gym socks. And extra toiletry bag.

Because this drawer makes sense.

Yes. My husband can hunt and gather, but in the evolutionary sense, he might just have gotten himself eaten by a larger animal when it comes to practical organization. When he hunts, you see, he just gathers it all up and packs it all in together into little piles. These piles will be in drawers, on counters, on dressers, on workbenches…

If a neighboring tribe were to attack us we would certainly survive purely just by throwing piles at them. Run away, tribe. We have papers and socks. Be afraid.

As any relationship coach would advise, I asked him why he does this in regards to his tools (not a metaphor, please people). It seems he must have multiple tools to do any one thing. Is it not true that we women can screw something in with a butter knife?

Husband’s logic? “Well, I can’t use a wrench for a saw.”

*crickets chirping*

Not really what I meant, like, at all. Clearly, he can’t use a wrench for a saw. I just don’t know why he needs five different saws for sawing one thing.

Run away, tribe, run away. We’ve got wrenches and saws.

Drowning in the hunt, I am slowly beginning to realize that evolution skipped a few steps somewhere along the line. My husband, the sweet man, would be sent out to hunt down one bison and come back with fifteen saws instead. And then shove them all in his bathroom drawer. Why? Because he has no more room in the kitchen, of course.

Run away, tribe, run away.

And drop me off at Ikea.

Cristina teaches Freshman English at a university and is a wife and mother to two hunter-gatherers.  She lives in constant fear of being attacked by neighboring tribes while her husband of nearly 13 years blissfully collects random objects and stores them in equally random locations around the house.  You can find her tweeting S.O.S messages at streetlights94. More of her writing can be found on her private blog, www.streetlightimagination.blogspot.com

Comments welcome, retweets loved. Cristina will stop by to help you determine you or your mate’s hunter-gather instinct and other such fun on a regular basis…as long as she’s not tripped up by her husband’s piles of socks.

Follow Rachel here, on Twitter, Facebook, or her new project for writers, the Indie Book Collective @IndieBookIBC where we help writers learn how to market their work. It doesn’t hurt. Promise. Ok, just a little.

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5 Comments
  1. well, maybe man truly has evolved, if they have started gathering as well as hunting. and maybe that's a good thing, but only time will tell…
    my dad has this same affliction, he never throws anything away, especially tools.
    run away, tribe, run away.
    you are so funny.

  2. mrs mediocrity said it…oh the tools. My husband is a tool hoarder. He could take on another tribe with the amount of hammers in one toolbox.

    I adore your writing and witty sense of humor, run away, tribe, run away. LOVE IT~

  3. Streetlights94 permalink

    Thanks for reading, you two 🙂 My dad gathered up tools, too… none of them he used of course. He just liked to display them in the drawers of his tool bench.

  4. Yep. I have 1, 2, 3 junk drawers, 1 receipt drawer at home and 2 at the office. It's a disease. But each one has a purpose…most of them to keep me from wasting time organizing.

    And we need 5 saws because one saw can't cut all things, where as one screwdriver can screw most thing. E.g., a wood saw cannot cut metal nor can it cut rounded shapes.

    And don't forget, these drawers are useful in zombie attacks (see Zombieland) 😉 Fun read!

  5. OMG! I too accidentally stumbled on one of these drawers. It was filled with medicine, tools, receipts, books, batteries, a copy of his birth certificate (cause there's no better place for this than a junk drawer). And, a little over $28.00 in change (which I promptly put into my purse!).

    The challenge in our house is that this drawer actually represents hubby's definition of cleaning. As in, “hon, can you PLEASE clean off that dresser”. And when I return it's miraculously clean! Little did I know that “cleaning” was opening the drawer and using the 'sweeping method' to give the appearance of a clean surface.

    (now I know where to go when I need a spare dollar or two!) LOL!!

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