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The Top 10 Stupid in The OC—a guest post for The Top 10 Blog

May 11, 2010

I did this post for Tony at The Top 10 Blog who was kind enough to find me and ask me to create a list. Any list. Clearly, he didn’t know what he was in for.

Find his cool lists here. Lots of fun reads.

Here is my post:

“A great guest list from RachelintheOC. If you like what you see here then you must visit Rachel’s excellent Blog.”

You can follow @RachelintheOC on Twitter or on her blog: RachelintheOC.com for more musings, such as why men do weird stuff.

I live in Orange County, CA (a.k.a. “the OC”) known for its beaches, gorgeous weather, and tall, tan, blonde people.

I am a petite (that’s an OC word), pale redhead.

There are several stereotypes I fight against daily living here: vapid blondes, fake boobs, luxury cars, high heels, conservatives.

Actually, all that really does exist. What the hell am I thinking?

Herein, a Top 10 list of the stupid crap, idiocies going on in the OC every day:

10) OC drivers LOVE their SUVs. Particularly their luxury SUVs. They particularly love to drive said luxury SUVs at high speeds on the demilitarized war zones, er, streets of the OC in order to cut you off, especially if you have the gall to signal that you’d like to change lanes. How dare you.

Parking those behemoths is something else altogether. Given that these drivers (sigh, women) have never parked anything bigger than their teenage-boy sized asses on an upscale suede barstool before and are now expected to maneuver something akin to a small school bus into a compact car spot while chatting on their cell phones—well. Need I go further?

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9) On that same note, mothers driving their obligatory luxury SUVs in school parking lots don’t feel that California laws, such as that pesky little one like stopping for cute tiny preschool pedestrians carrying Elmo backpacks, applies to them. They have a tennis lesson with their obligatory hot trainer to get to, by God.

8) 8) If you are female, it is imperative that one has one’s toenails painted at all times or risk side-eye persecution. It is written.

7) If one is actually walking one’s child into school, one must be dressed in the obligatory designer jogging suit, full-on diamonds and carefully applied makeup, even though it’s only 8AM. 5-inch heels not optional.

6) Southern California is the fake boob capital of the world. Apparently, having double Ds makes up for a multitude of sins. However, when you see tits up at shoulder level, you can’t help but stare. Things have clearly gotten out of, er, hand.

5) Many OC girls learn at an early age that carrying a $100 Juicy Couture backpack to school is just not good enough. Neither will mummy’s Louis Vuitton castoff do. It is a brand new Tods or risk tantrum city, thus giving rise to the ability of handling manipulation and bitterness at a young age. This comes in handy in the future when headed for divorce number three.

4) Despite their English teacher’s best efforts, children in the OC will pepper their language with regional phrases such as “like” and “you know” and “dude,” well into their forties. Many times salvation comes too late, resulting in questionable career choices, often with “guru” in the job title.

3) OC men in their forties who still say “dude” may live in a shack, but will proudly drive their BMWs and Mercedes like idiots. (Once passing me on the right at high speed, in a school zone, plowing into a very large, very slow-moving vehicle. Hehe.)

2) Ah, the duck lips. You’ll be hard-pressed to enter any bar, restaurant, or heck, even a Starbucks, in the OC without encountering that creature known as the duck-lipped female—usually accompanied by the aforementioned fake boobage. To be fair, she is usually escorted by the hair-plugged male with the Porsche keychain, who in actuality drives a Hyundai tricked out with a leather bra. And chrome rims.

1) And finally, religion and politics seem to be a big deal here; but only if you are on the far right on both counts. I’m neither (Jewish and liberal please, stand up). I’m also a pale redhead with real boobs. Huh…I wonder if there’s some kind of karmic connection there.

Let me check with Shirley MacLaine and I’ll get back to you…

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7 Comments
  1. Funny post, but you must live in South County, right? I'm in North and the OC you describe is the one from the TV show, not the one I live in. Except for the overabundance of SUVs and underabundance of M.O.T.'s

  2. Having lived in the OC for several years, I can in fact attest to the voracity of Rachel's sad, sad claims.

    Now I live in North Hollywood where none of this happens #ya #right 🙂

  3. Freakin' HIGH-larious. Even more so if you have spent any time in the OC, which I have. Love this post… 🙂

  4. I grew up in Laguna Beach, so I feel your annoyance in relation to this top ten list. SUVs and plastic surgery tend to monopolize the county.

    I moved to AZ about two years ago, and I shockingly love it. One of the reasons I grew to appreciate Arizona is because the social demands of having the perfect 'image' just does not seem so prominent as it does in So Cal.

    Needless to say, this post was very cute and witty:)!! I enjoyed it! xo

  5. As I was reading I was curious as to whether any of the 10 points applied to you or yours. You answered the question about the boobs. What about the rest?

    Nice post by the way.

    Jack

  6. the only small way for me to relate to that was when I moved to an upscale gated community in Florida, even the 80 year old lunch ladies had duck lips and boob jobs. oddly they left their arm flaps, warts and hair nets intact. I got the heck out of there with my red headed, real boobs and freckled self, and moved back to where I am hot. Mississippi.. See here they live in a single wide trailer and have a pimped out Monster Truck that costs 5 x's as much as the mobile home. But sadly no money seems to be spent on personal hygiene or appearance. Hence the quantity of pictures available for the people of wal-mart website. I also think I love you and even though I am not a liberal Jew, I think we should have Sader together. we can meet in a state like Vegas, a virtual melting pot between your state and mine.

  7. Fabulous idea. Let's all meet in Vegas for a Sader. Lovely.

    Never actually been there myself (gasp!)–I know, shocker, right?

    As for finding out more about me, tweeps, I did two posts where I answered a TON o questions, not that long ago actually.

    More than you ever wanted to know, including what beans I won't eat. (Wait, actually I can't remember if I put that in there. Let me know, will ya?)

    Are you sure you still want to know? 🙂

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