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Pigs Have Flown: a Guest Blog by Mr. RachelintheOC

May 4, 2010


The Man Code: Errors and Omissions or what I thought the title of my response to my wife’s blog was going to be. Then I thought to myself, who would it really be for? Women love to spend time talking, reading, and writing about men. Go to your local Starbucks on any given day and you will witness at least one group of women talking about men, whereas you will be hard pressed to find men talking about women. The men will be talking business, sports, or politics. Men are simplistic creatures and don’t typically have much to say about women, or for that matter relationships in general.

I have been around women for over 55 years, both hetero and gay, and have determined that relationships with women are easy, when you know the “code”. So perhaps I can offer my two bits to the relationship discussion about women to those guys out there who follow RachelintheOC and find harmony in their relationships unattainable. So, as we are simple creatures, I offer you a simple plan.

Let me begin by stating that I am a practicing quasi master of the Yoda Relationship Building Order and the guiding principle to relationship harmony that I live by came from a man who had been happily married for over 75 years. During an interview with him he was asked what was the secret to a successful long-term marriage. He distilled it down to five words . . . “give them what they want.” This simple principle is the “code,” the keystone to relationship success and harmony with women.

However, a word of caution. Deviate from the “code” at your own peril and begin down the path to The Dark Side.

Furthermore, I would offer some suggestions in three critical situations that you will frequently find yourself in and that your response to these situations will make or break the harmony.

1. In response to being corrected or schooled in the finer points of the relationship, “yes dear, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

2. In response to being queried about the beauty or sexiness of other women, “she’s okay, but then again, I am spoiled.”

3. In response to being surveyed about her weight (e.g., do these jeans make my . . . ), “there you stand, all those curves and me with no brakes.”

Remember, keep your wits about you since these queries usually come when your guard is down and always remember, there has only been one man to ever beat the Kobayashi Maru.

I’d like to leave you with this final thought: you might want to rethink that life insurance policy. If you don’t have one, they tend to have a higher concern for your health and well-being. They make sure you’re eating right, you’re taking care of yourself, and you’re comfortable with minimal stress. If you do have a policy, well . . . it’s every man for himself.

Good luck!

(JP is my honey and I am so proud of him that he actually put pen to…er, fingers to keyboard. He is not a writer but he did a damn fine job.

For the record, he does practice what he preaches—most of the time, anyway.)

Follow me on Twitter @RachelintheOC or subscribe here to my blog or RSS feed.

  1. Haha! I like the “code.” I obviously need to have my boyfriend read your post, too. Lol. Kudos to your guest blogger, it was a fun little read!

  2. I LOVE your answer to, well, really any question that starts with “do these jeans…” Great post. (I had to look up Kobayashi Maru… I am a poor excuse for a Trekkie!)

  3. “there you stand, all those curves and me with no brakes.” Love it!

  4. Yea, he got me with the “curves” comment when we were dating (we're talking 18 years ago) and he still uses it to this day. Does wonders for a woman's self-esteem. If you're a guy, by all means, USE IT.

  5. I mentioned on twitter, but I've got a bro-crush (like a bromance, but also just a crush, because no man-hug has happened yet) on your husband now. I'm memorizing his “curves and no brakes” reply, because it has to work SO much better than “um….no, you look great” and the other similarly dim responses I usually use.

    I see I'm the first man to comment. I'm going to have to go on a mission to find more guys, because these posts can help us all live a more humorous and happy life, PLUS, we save some money along the way!

    I'm off to cancel my life insurance. 🙂

  6. Lol!! LOVE the blog topic!! I totally enjoyed reading this, and will happily pass it down to my husband. xo

  7. This is hilarious. You both are very funny.

    I am going to have my hubby read this one. He will be thrilled you mentioned Kobayashi Maru. But I need to point out he only beat it because he cheated. 🙂

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