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America’s Next Top Model: My View

March 23, 2010

I have to say, I am really enjoying America’s Next Top Model more this “cycle” than in previous cycles because they have the addition of the fabulous, famous, fashion-y Andre Leon Talley. For those not in the know, ALT has been a regular contributor to Vogue forever and besides being flamingly outre so far out of the closet gay that he’s practically female, so much so that he’s now a caricature (yet that’s what makes him so great), he’s also one of our living, breathing fashion encyclopedias and a major “get” for Miss Tyra to give much-needed credibility to her show.

Mr. Talley flings his criticisms at these not-so-sweet young things that cuts them down in a way that they really don’t understand because they have no idea what he actually just said. One girl shone in his praise of being called a “courtesan,” not understanding the real definition–not that he meant it as an insult, mind you. She just smiled prettily and nodded. Another barely made it through panel had it not been for Talley’s assertion that he would hang her nude butt in his “salon.” No doubt she was confused that this man would be doing, like, hair….in his house?

Every cycle they come up with some ridiculously stupid challenge that makes me want to slap Tyra and her producers. Who can forget the one where they wore the 7-inch heels? You remember. The one where the one poor girl actually broke her foot. Yea, that one. Well, this cycle (god, how I hate that fucking word) they did a fashion show where they had to walk a runway with not only a billion goddamn steps but also two gigantic pendulums swinging across the runway just to screw with these nervous girls even more. So one poor girl, wearing normal 5-inch heels, slips on the stairs going down and lands flat on her ass. That’s at the beginning of her disastrous walk. She makes it to the end of the of runway; yet on the way back, the worst (or second worst) thing happens–yep, one of the giant pendulums hits her full on and knocks her off the runway completely. Stunned silence. Really, Tyra? Really?

Then of course, there’s just the reveal of every episode that is just so disappointing. Part of the fun is trying to figure out which girl is going to go home, right? But, if you’ve watched the show for, well, once, you would know that whoever talks the most on that particular episode is nine times out of ten the one that goes home. Usually the one who complains the most is the one who ends up in the bottom two but is given a second chance to shut the fuck up. And, god, Tyra must be taking French lessons now because OMG, is she working the French during judging or what? We get it, girlfriend. You’re a woman of the world. Now, shut it.

And who will be the winner? Well, gosh that’s so easy. The nice girl always wins. With the exception of one diva (Eva the diva, who’s not so bad), every girl that has won since comes across as being a good, sweet girl that doesn’t speak ill of others and goes to church every Sunday. Which is total crap–I hear Nicole is a total party girl and has been in rehab already–but nice is the watchword. Just wait and see.

Personally I would love it if the chick from Jersey won–all swagger and kickass attitude. That, I think, would rock. No matter how pretty the clothes, I don’t think it would much matter once she opened that mouth. You go girl.

You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can’t…well, let’s just see what happens, shall we?

Change is good.

One Comment
  1. Maybe I'm just a little partial cause I live here, but I'd like to see the nasty chick from Buffalo win. Angelea is just the type to kill off all the others to make that happen, too.

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