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One lucky guy

January 25, 2010


My wonderful husband was kind enough to get me an iphone last week. He da man. But first, a little history.

I have used a PDA since time immemorial for several reasons.
  • One, I’m one of those people–ya know, the kind that organizes their sock drawer and their dollar bills. So having just a plain, regular phone that does nothing but call people just would not do for someone like me. I need a phone that will organize me within a quarter of an inch of my life. If I could plan my schedule in second-by-second intervals, (hey!), I most likely would.
  • Two, I keep track of lots of stuff. Me, calendars, phone, appointments, my family, school stuff, writing, websites, etc, & it all has to be in one place. I do not carry a separate address book and calendar in a planner–that’s right out of the olden days in my book. Franklin Planners*, Day Planners, or God forbid an actual calendar on a wall…none of that exists for me anymore. That’s old school and homey don’t play that. (*I will say that I did learn from the Franklin Planner system class–yes, they made you go to an actual class back in the day–that as soon as you get an appointment, business card or phone number, anything really, it goes in the planner. I record everything. No loose scraps of paper! Same goes for the iphone, or any PDA. Put in your info immediately or I guarantee–you will lose it.)
  • Three, being a busy mom, wife, and writer requires that I do 10,000 things at once. Having a phone that does more than just call people is critical for me.

So, I found with the Blackberry Storm that well, mostly it was a piece of shit. Slow, oh my fucking god, does not even begin to cover it. But we have Verizon and for various and sundry reasons I won’t go into here, I was stuck with it until we were up for a renewal on one of our lines. I had that goddamned phone for over one year. That’s one year of it freezing up, dying, not taking pictures, a video camera that never worked, not being able to open websites or emails over a certain amount of bytes, resetting it daily, going back and forth to the Verizon store for “help” or getting more “help” over the phone from “customer service” (a contradiction in terms if I’ve ever heard one), etc. Traded it in. Updated. Downloaded. We did it all. Ridiculous. Anon, we are contracted with Verizon and JP is adamant that we stay with them for all his domestic travel needs–coverage and all that. Hmmm. Something had to be done. I wanted an iphone.

Therefore, I did what any loving wife would do in this situation: I bitched and whined about it until he capitulated. Now, you have to understand, I am not a nagger. I instituted a no-nagging policy early on in the first year of our marriage and have stuck to it–unless, of course, the garbage is overflowing or my windshield washer fluid needs to be replaced–that’s like, a given. But this….this phone business was getting out of hand. I needed an iphone and I needed one now. Why? Well, if you have one then you know why, silly; I don’t have to tell you. So there was going to be no discussion, really. His life would be much better if he got me one and that’s all there was to it. So I started my “Get Rachel Her iphone” campaign in earnest.
Now, you also have to realize: I am not a loud person, Nor am I a yeller. But when it came to um, venting my frustrations every time I tried to text on that damn phone (if you have one, you know how hard that is) because the space bar and the “b” are in exactly the same place: well, let’s just say I made it very clear that I hated that damn phone. In fact, that’s exactly… (Oh, sorry, I just got distracted by “Knocked Up” where the husband says “Wanna have sex tonight?” & she sighs with boredom. Then she replies “No, I’m just really constipated.” Wow, that just really made me laugh. Sorry.) Anyway, where was I? Oh yea…what I said every time, “I hate this damn phone.” It became my mantra. You probably think I’m kidding. Totally not. Every time. For. A. Year.
But husband stood fast. Money was tight, phone was perfectly functional (that was clearly debatable, honey, and certainly depended on your definition of functional; heck, even your definition of perfectly) and I think he didn’t really care all that much. He could get a hold of me when he wanted to, I could give him the phone numbers he needed when he needed them–what more could I want? Well, excuse me, dude, but my PDA needs aren’t about you and what your needs are. Give me my goddamned iphone (yea, I know I sound petulant, but oh well. Girl’s gotta have what a girl’s gotta have). There’s no app for where this is heading buddy, I can guarantee you that–(she said quietly). BTW, I never actually said those things to him; I just thought them–really loudly.
So Chanukah came and went. Christmas flew by. Birthday. All gave me high expectations for an iphone and all did not deliver. 😦 Now the rational part of me knew perfectly well that because we are watching every little penny, now is not the time to buy the phone and start up with an additional carrier just so I can have said phone. Doesn’t make any sense. Eh, so what. Changing tactics mid-battle, I went for the jugular: I appealed to his desire to please his loving wife. Darling, since when does desire match up to what a girl passionately wants with all her heart? Just like a great pair of Manolos, I want what I want when I want it–what can I say? I’m a chick. Besides, an iphone is much less expensive than a pair of designer shoes and is clearly a better investment. Right. It is, though. Really.
I got nothin’.
Short story long? Out of the blue, after a very long, difficult day with my four-year-old son, in walks JP with my new iphone. Ta-da! Here you go, honey. To say I was shocked doesn’t even cover it. I had actually given up the good fight weeks earlier. All of my best efforts seemed to have been wasted on said husband with his dark eyes and steely heart, seemingly indifferent to my pleas. Meanwhile, I looked at people with their beautiful shiny iphones with all those cute, colorful little squares with yes, envy–I can openly admit now to coveting thy neighbor’s phone.
You see, I watched all those clever, cool commercials with the little apple where that nice man’s voice said “there’s an app for that,” as if that little apple would solve all of my life’s problems and I would sigh and think one day, Rachel, you’ll have those apps, and your life will be easier too. One day. One day your camera will work on your phone without an error message or having to hold perfectly still or it won’t take the goddamned picture; one day the video camera will actually, really and truly work; one day you can load games at the touch of a button and they’ll be normal games like boggle and sudoku, not games that suck, that no one has ever heard of; one day you’ll be able to read an entire email rather than just a portion of it because the phone can actually download the whole thing; one day you’ll have Kindle and can read a book on your phone like everyone else has been doing so you’ll know what an e-book actually is; one day you can go to websites and download the whole thing not just part of it because your web capability is no longer of the stone age level…that is what I would tell myself, that is what I would dream.
So when JP handed it to me, casually, as if he were handing me a cup of coffee, well, let’s just say I was one happy girl.
And let’s just say that later, he was one lucky guy.
P.S. I LOVE my iphone. It’s an amazing piece of technology while at the same time so easy to use. If you haven’t gotten one yet, do it. Completely 100% worth it.
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