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May you find peace, Duke

October 10, 2009

So, I was planning to write about how it’s been almost a week, and we’re kind of settling into a routine (sort of). I was planning to write about how we have made headway on the mountain of boxes and can actually walk around the rooms of the house without tripping on corners of boxes or each other (sort of).

And then…then…

I was on Facebook on Wednesday and saw, shockingly, that an old boyfriend of mine, that I had chatted with on Monday around lunchtime, had RIP notices on his wall. WTF?

How could this be possible? He was my age, 45. When he looked me up three or four months ago, he told me he was a daddy now. He had a 14-yr old son whom he was over the moon for. He seemed fine. Granted, I hadn’t seen him in 20 years; hadn’t spoken “live” to him; it was strictly a FB only relationship, and strictly friendship only. I’m happily married, 17 years on Saturday TYVM. He wasn’t in a relationship and he made it clear that he regretted screwing us up; I made it clear I forgave him–I just wanted to understand the “whys” of what happened 20 years before–we had ended it very abruptly, no contact since. We chatted frequently–about our past, about life, his current job, wine, about our kids, my writing. I got no indication, none whatsoever, that most everything he told me about his life now was a lie.

I won’t go into the details, but you can imagine he was not mentally well. I think for those of us outside his small circle, he hid it VERY well.

After a minor disagreement with his sister (who is a GREAT person BTW), he confronted her, pulled out the gun, said some things that had meaning between them, and shot himself in the chest–right in front of her. At least it was quick. She said he was cold, deliberate. She realizes how lucky she is that he didn’t turn it on her first.

I ended our relationship because he had a hair-trigger temper, he drank too much, he cheated on me, he couldn’t commit. He was the rebel, my bad boy. I was the good girl. Thank God I got out. But I did love him, so very much. And yet…all those experiences brought me to my honey–my JP, my loving husband and VOR (voice of reason). His poor sister has had to deal with him all these years, and had to witness his degeneration and this last selfish act.

When I asked her how she felt, she said “pissed.”

I hope she feels relieved.

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One Comment
  1. wow – that is some crazy stuff. sad that his life was so troubled and how rough for his sister that she had to go through all this b.s. with him. so sad…hope you are hanging in there sis. xoxo

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