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Wuv, twoo wuv…

May 31, 2009

You know you have been married a long time when:

  • Your husband asks you on a Saturday morning “What do you want to do today?” and you know that is code for “Do you want to go to Disneyland with the kids?”
  • You answer back with either a “Yea right” glare or “No, I don’t want to go” (see “What do you want to do today?” above) and it doesn’t take a genius for him to know exactly what that means.
  • When he sees an actor he knows but can’t remember his name or the movie he was in, and is trying to describe it to you because you weren’t with him when he saw said actor, and he says “You know, that guy, from you know, that movie…” and you do.
  • He’s finally figured out, when grocery shopping without you (which yea, is pretty awesome. I know.) after 17 years of marriage, which toilet paper to buy, which flavor of Coffeemate to get, and which one Lean Cuisine flavor you like.
  • He understands that it takes a lot of time to put on mascara if you are a Carsman girl. A lot. Of. Time. (Again, A LOT–two words, people! I mean, really, is it SOOOO hard? A Lot. Not that hard, right? Is it just an American thing that we don’t know that A and Lot are actually two words that go together separately? I will have to research that. How stupid are we? Okay, rant over.) Back to the mascara: there’s the curling, then the primer, then first coat; dry time, another coat; more curling, declumping; it goes on. It’s a curse, I know. “Best not done in a car” he winces, as I do the final curl, and he really means it.
  • He understands when you get pissy that while he gets the concept of the buying and the using of the above mentioned toilet paper, he has absolutely no comprehension whatsoever when it comes to the difficult task of actually changing the toilet paper roll. Yup, he will leave the empty paper on the holder, pretty much indefinitely, and use a new roll that he will keep on the counter, inconveniently out of his reach, just to prove his point…whatever that point is. He’s kinda forgotten by now. But he means it. And he understands that you get mad…and he’s okay with that. (Same concept holds with the paper towels in the kitchen; though God Help You if you use his paper towels in the garage. Those are HIS paper towels and are not to be touched for any reason. Don’t even think of letting those run out. Consequences of the most severe kind will ensue.)
  • I really won’t go into the burping and farting here (which JP refers to as “calling the ducks” for obvious reasons) except to say that men are just stinky. I’m sorry, but there is just no need to clear the room when I, um shall we say, cut it? But when JP lets it fly? Whew, the kids and I run for our gas masks that I keep on a low shelf in the pantry, low enough that Lukas can reach his own. He uses it often, usually precipitated by the cry of “Mama, Daddy’s too stinky! Make him stop.” To which I have no response, sadly.
  • When you go out on a rare date night and end up at the grocery store? Yes, that’s a sign of being married a long time. However, in our defense, that’s usually after a movie, or dinner out. Trader Joe’s is usually not the actual date, which would be kinda pathetic. Though hey, in this economy (which I’m kind of getting tired of saying, frankly) that may become our date night for awhile. If we get to have one. I’m actually writing this on a Saturday night–clearly not going out.
  • I guess I’ll cover sex–still great after all these years–if we’re both awake to actually have it. That about sums it up.
  • I accept the fact that my man is generous, silly, funny, gregarious, a neat freak, and a great cook. Sigh…it’s my cross to bear. So if he’s occasionally grumpy, anti-social, and–oh God–still puts Seinfeld on every fucking day, well, so be it. Sometimes I think that if I hear that music one more time…

and then he buys me some milk chocolate or sunflowers or simply spends time looking at

Transformers on the computer with Lukas or doing math with Anya and I realize, wow– I think we have it all down pretty well. Now if only we could get the toothpaste thing

right…

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