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The BMW block, Mia Carruthers, holistic healing and more

May 9, 2009

Stuff I’ve learned recently: my son is in a doesn’t want to eat phase–he “hates” food (unless it’s a fried fishhead, see pix, rt). I can’t eat a McDonald’s Big Mac anymore without getting sick. I really love pineapple. I don’t drink enough water. I do not like Spongebob and I don’t think I ever will. However, I LOVE Phinneas and Ferb (they are gods) and Shaun the Sheep (claymation short by Disney). iCarly is cute and well written. I still can’t find a perfect mascara though Diorshow comes darn close but it can be clumpy. I love seeing a movie in IMAX (STAR TREK was amazing) and wow the seats are sooo comfortable. Little boys love to fart and then laugh about it. They also smell like puppies when they are dirty. 9 yr old girls love drama, real and imagined–and they still love to cuddle with their mommies. They bleat and complain when they have to do anything having to do with regard to hygiene. And they play a mean game of street hockey! (See American Idol reject Kai Kalama–with her cool teacher Mr. Hartman–who sang the National Anthem at her game!)

Most movie stars really do get plastic surgery frequently (my friend has an insider source), especially after having their babies, which is really unfair to make us think it’s just normal. (Have you SEEN Valerie Bertinelli? Even her face looks different!) Come on Kirsty–lose the weight with lipo like the rest of Hollywood! I think Joan River’ face should come with a flammable at high heat warning. I think Adam will win American Idol and I don’t care if he’s gay or loves purple people. And I loved Allison! I love to read because she has great quotable lines, like this one: Heather is talking about how she is finally calling a nurse to make an appointment to have her broken toe looked at–a week after she broke it. “And I just didn’t have the energy to explain to her how I like to practice a holistic approach to healing called DENIAL.” THAT is a great line and one I believe most people in my family practice.

I also realize I’m getting pissy about little things, like why does my daughter’s school lunch program charge only $4.00 (good deal for 4-star Laguna Beach Sapphire Restaurant catered lunch) but an additional $2 and fucking 25 cents for a mandatory “a la carte box” that contains a PAPER napkin, a plastic fork, and a small (tiny) water. I ask you, WTF? I told them fuck you very much school lunch program people, we’ll take the yummy 4-star lunch for $4.00 that she eats everyday, but I DARE you to tell me that I HAVE to pay for your overpriced box of crap! I’ve taken it up with the principal. Seriously, I know it’s convenient and all, but that’s an extra $2.25/day times 5 days, which = $45/mo or over $400/ year. In paper and plastic. Come on!


Or things like when any ole reality “star” or model or actor/actress becomes a designer now. Say what? Like that chick from that dumb show on MTV that I’ve never watched for fear that my brain will melt The Hills, Lauren Cuckoo something? “Look, I’m known now, I’m hip because people throw free stuff at me, I can make squares and circles, look! I’m a designer!” It makes me sick. When I see all the incredibly talented people who have toiled away for years and years through childhood and design school, heartbreak and trials, and she gets some marketing or network honcho who says go here, walk this way, we’ll give you a design deal if you plug mark.cosmetics…it’s just disgusting and icky. When I saw her “sketches” I laughed, poor girl: Anya is more talented at age 9. It’s like they’ve duped her into thinking she can really do this; now her line has flopped and they are “retooling” it. Sad, yet ironically funny. (When US Magazine keeps calling to renew, I tell them when they take all these Hills creatures off, then I’ll renew. Why are they on the covers of magazines? Do people really care about stupid and stupider, I can’t even say their names without barfing, bible spouting, fake-boobed, blond girl that idiotically just married smarmy idiot? You KNOW who I’m talking about. I just want to know fake crap about the real stars, not those idiots. OK, I’m done.)
I started watching a new show on MTV (which I NEVER watch cuz I’m an old fogey) produced by hunky monkey Nick Lachey called “Taking the Stage” about a group of kids that go to his performing arts alma mater high school in Cincinnati, Ohio. I would recommend the show to my mom and dad but since the kids mumble a lot they would probably be quite lost. However, there is a 17-yr old singer/songwriter on there named Mia Carruthers who rocks! She has a beautiful, lyrically pure voice and her lyrics are wise beyond her years. Check out her gorgeous ballad “Breathe You In” at or You will definitely be hearing this girl on the radio. She is THAT talented. So I forgive MTV for The Hills and its stupid cuckoohead people for giving talented kids shots like this.

And now for my most controversial epiphany: I will apologize in advance to any of my readers out there who drive this particular car so feel free to disagree BUT admit it, I’m sure you see yourself in this description. BMW drivers are hands down the most aggressive and idiotic drivers on the road. I say this after years and years of having driven as a sales rep and also as a mom in Orange County, BMW capitol of the world. I have never seen such crazy and dangerous driving anywhere like what I’ve witnessed here, and I’ve lived in New Jersey and New York! They really do believe they own the road. How dare we switch lanes? When they bought the car they bought the lane, didn’t we know that?

Case in point which makes my dad chuckle to this day: BMW sport car tailing me in a school zone as I am cautiously slowing down in the left lane behind a huge truck since he was slowing down and I just couldn’t tell what he was going to do. Beamer decides to gun it and pass me on the right JUST as said huge truck makes a hard right turn into a driveway. So, guess who slams right into big truck? I think the school fence caught him he was going so fast.

Now, if this was just a one-time thing, no biggie. But it’s repeated and ongoing in this area. And of course, Barbie and Skipper next store both drive BMWs, so that just cemented it for me. (Of course, I accept there are exceptions to the rule: a nice man in a beamer gave me the right of way the other day at a 4-way stop; I was so shocked that I took a moment to go. The car behind me honked. Guess what kind of car it was? Yep, a BMW.)

There’s also my dirty car rule: Why is it that dirty cars are ALWAYS going to be the slow car that you inevitably get stuck behind? You see it 4 cars away on the freeway, going 35 in the fast lane and say, whoa, let’s avoid that car! But somehow, you always end up right behind that particular car. And not just behind it, but boxed in? Then, when you finally get a chance to pass, a minuscule opportunity to pass that dirty, slow driver, what happens?

Yup, here comes that damn BMW speeding up to block your way.

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